One of my most viewed blogs ever is Epic. I can understand this. It was nasty and hilarious which is a go to win on the Internet. Sad commentary but as I will throw myself (or anyone in close proximity) to the wolves for views I figured this next story deserved some attention.
As you may know, the don’t eat diet was successful. And as a result my sweet spouse needed a new wardrobe. Which led to months of friendly reminders (some people call it nagging) from me to the resident chef. And eventually we ended up at a local store…which shall remain nameless….but is a large box type store where you can buy men’s suits.
My three year old was being especially cuddly. Nice. I need to learn to run far away when this happens. My then nine year old was behaving and I was hopeful we would we purchase said suit without incident. Shopping with kids is not for the faint hearted.
Anyway, to cut to the chase- the three year old cuddled in and threw up. Down my shirt. In my hair. In her hair. All over the floor of the nice men’s suit store. The poor good looking twenty something sales guy gagged. My husband grimaced. My nine year old shrieked and hid. I laughed.
I left carrying the three year old and her puke and dragging the humiliated tween with me. My husband dealt with the store guy. Clearly we were now committed to purchasing a suit. Can’t very well walk away after we desecrated their store.
I hauled my children and myself up the escalator and into the public bathrooms to try and wash off before putting anyone in my car. My eldest refused to go in the bathroom with us. She hid outside in the photo booth. I didn’t blame her. There is only so much that a nine-year-old ego can handle.
The little one and I went in the bathroom. Stripped off outer layers of nasty clothing. Soaped up liberally. Put hands and under the water faucet.
Could not get it to turn on.
Insult to injury. I am one of those digitally challenged people. Siri doesn’t understand things I say. My car blue tooth never hears me correctly. I can’t get automatic hand dryers to do anything. And apparently the sinks at the mall are beyond my ability to control.
And so I wiped soap and puke all over my jeans. Took off my kiddo’s clothing and wrapped her up in my coat and hauled all of us to the car.
It was Epic. Again.
I love Jesus. I think my two daughters can change the world. I think you can too.
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