Wall of Faith: Jacquee

Tendency to Research

It's a tendency of mine to research. Research quickly and thoroughly. Whenever I come across something new, I have to look it up. This wasn't any different, when I got pregnant. Within 2 hours of getting the positive test, I started researching. Researching how to add a sibling. Researching how to prepare for a new child. 

Then, the worries began. And, oh boy, did they begin! I had hardly known I was pregnant for 2.5 hours before I was getting worried. How the new baby would adjust. Was I ruining my older child because she'd have to share me? Could she even comprehend having a sibling? What if her easy going happy self changed because she had a new sibling to share with her parents? There was still a risk of miscarriage, should we tell anyone? What if I had a miscarriage? What if the new baby had something wrong because I wasn't taking the stupid prenatals consistently? What if the test was a false positive?

In the span of 2.5 hours or 150 minutes,  my mind was obsessed with worry. Quietly and secretly, as I wasn't sure if I could or should tell anyone yet. Except my husband, who found out and proceeded to take a nap! Only a man could found out we're expecting a baby and then fall asleep within minutes!

As a woman and mother, I feel it is my job to do the research. To worry and solve the worries. To come up with a plan for anything that may arise. To worry about hurt feelings and sibling bonds.

But, really,  this is God's job. 

When my daughter woke up from her nap,  she cuddled in my lap and watched a favorite show. As she did this, I continued my research. Until I looked at her. Really looked at her. And I realized how perfect she was. I worried during my pregnancy with her and she ended up perfect. She is happy, kind, and fun. My oldest daughter turned out perfect as well: loving, funny, and smart. 

It took me a few seconds to register this, before I stopped researching and just appreciated how blessed we are. I'm excited for this new baby, thankful for my older babies. I'm happy to give the job of worrying up to God, at least for today. Tomorrow is a new day that I will need to give up control. And everyday thereafter.