Wall of Faith: Heather

impact people and would people even care to hear what I had to say?"

Mindy told me I should write something.

When I sit and think about my life I don't think I have anything good to offer others that would be encouraging.

I'm a worrier big time.

I think this started when I was a kid and had to deal with the uncertainty that was always around me.

We moved a lot not just a few times but at least 8 times that I can remember.

I have one stuffed animal and a pair of my baby shoes from my childhood. We were always on the move and our posessions were always sold. I never stayed in one school long enough to play sports or do activities. We were always packing up and moving. I finally stayed in one place for 5 years when I moved in with my Grandmother. I was in 8th grade. It was the first time I stayed at one school for more than a year. 

I was saved at age 14 and found God.

I loved church and youth group saved me from getting into a lot of trouble.

All I knew was dysfunction. I had an alcoholic parent and the other was in and out of my life. I saw how families stayed together and I wanted that sooo bad! I knew my family would be different when I got married. BOY did that one blow up in my face!

Fast forward a bit, I got married and life became stable. I had a decent job in banking and I was happy. I felt safe and secure, but for some reason when it came to my health I always worried. Any time something was wrong I was convinced i was going to die. I still feel this way. I think it's gotten worse since my divorce and ex-husband has remarried. I feel like I'm going to fade away. My kids have a new Mom. I'm not good enough. I can't give them the family they deserve. How am I going to survive financially? I can't give my kids all the things I wanted.

Now I know this sounds doom and gloom.

Hang with me for a sec.

I'm human.

I'm not perfect.

I sin from time to time. I don't always get it right. I get sad and I cry on occasion. I'm not the perfect parent and I think I get it wrong more than I get it right.

I always remember at the end of the day that God is good and he is always working on me.

I spent this last month worrying a lot about a spot on my foot that turns out is probably a bruise. I stressed about this pretty much every day and started planning my funeral. I know this sounds a bit nutty but when I think about my past it starts to make sense. 

What I want people to know is that I am aware that I need to trust God more.

I need to rely on him and not worry so much.

Matthew 6:31 says " There for do not worry saying "what shall we eat?", What shall we drink?" Or "What shall we wear?" And Matthew 6:34 "Do not worry about tomorrow for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for the day is it's own trouble."

I heard about a man who was worried he would get cancer. There was a big family history associated with the disease and he worried and worried he would get it and die from it. It turned out that he did not get cancer but had a heart attack and died. Now isn't that a kicker? In the end the stress of his worry killed him anyway! This story brought a little perspective to my worrying.

Am I going to stop worrying tomorrow? Probably not.

Am I aware I need to work on myself and rely on God? YES!

There is a song by Jasmine Murray called "Fearless". I hear that song and I say to myself "That is what I want to be!" I want to be fearless!! I need to spend more time living my life instead of worrying about it.

God has always taken care of me and I know he always will!